The Journey
Cole has been telling me for the past few years that I need to start writing again. I would always look at him and say "but what would I write about?" It hit me last night. I should've been writing about life with Ezra this whole time. These next few posts will probably be a cluster of what I remember over the past 14 months. I realized last night that I've already forgotten so many special things. I tell myself I won't forget - but they are so fleeting, and I do. These blogs are mostly for myself to remember and reminisce - but if you should find yourself reading this - then I do hope you enjoy.
Breastfeeding. This post will be about breastfeeding. Probably some other things too, but mostly breastfeeding.
We conceived Ezra on December 31st, 2014. He was NOT planned. But we are so thankful he is here. What a blessing. Truly. Cole and I talked about being parents and knew we wanted to....someday. But what we NEVER talked about much, was how we were going to raise this child. We hadn't researched. Hadn't talked about it. Nothing. We found out we were pregnant and BAM - suddenly most of our time was devoted to researching different parenting styles. Vaccines. Circumcision. Midwives vs OBGYNs. Breastfeeding vs formula. This was a big topic for us.
No one in my family breastfed. No one in Cole's family breastfed. I had experienced two people breastfeeding throughout my entire 23 years of life. One was a lady behind me in Subway - nursing her child while ordering a sandwich (you go, mama). And the other was one of my sister's friends. In both situations I remember feeling extremely weirded out and awkward - because- BOOBS ARE SEXUAL.
So anyways, Cole and I began talking about the possibility of breastfeeding and it went something like this: "I think I want to breastfeed, I don't know, what do you think?" "Sure, whatever." "Should we buy formula just in case?" "Yeah, just in case. A lot of moms arent able to breastfeed or their supply dries up." "yeah, I have heard that, too." So we went through the first few months of pregnancy planning to breastfeed, maybe for a few weeks or something, if it was convenient for US. While researching other things - we realized that breastfeeding, while hard, truly has a 98% success rate. Our midwife mentioned this as well. Statistically speaking - about 2% of women physically CANNOT breastfeed for different reasons. The rest of women CAN, but may have to work through obstacles. My midwife suggested I stopped answering the "will you be breastfeeding" question with "if I can" or "if it works for me" and started answering with "yes! I will be!" and changing my mindset to positivity.
I did this. I started saying that I would be breastfeeding. If you're reading this and chose to formula feed - I pass no judgement. Do your thing. But this has been me journey. And I need to share it so that I remember.
I wasn't prepared, really. I wasn't prepared for all the judgemental comments I would get when I Said I Would be breastfeeding. But I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on the beautiful journey breastfeeding has been! Sorry, my thoughts are so scrambled but here we go.
Ezra was born at 5:29am. We didn't buy formula. Not one single can. He latched as soon as he was born and WOW. Wow. I honestly can't put it into words. My body LITERALLY MADE the perfect food for my son, at the perfect temperature, and it was FREE. And it wasn't weird. It was super empowering and I've never felt so connected to another human being in my whole life.
Those first weeks were hard. Real hard. I basically nursed him around the clock for the first few weeks. I remember being SO TIRED. But I didn't want to quit. I nursed him on the couch, in the chair, sitting in the bed, really anywhere. Even out in public. Whenever he cried - the first thing I did was offer him the breast. 99% of the time- it was what he wanted. IT was so exhausting but so worth it. At this time, he was sleeping (sort of, lol) in a rock n' play next to our bed. Swaddled. It was a fricken mess. He would pee and poo, we would change him, feed him, swaddle him, and try and lay him down and that would happen ALL NIGHT. Finally at about 4 weeks or so, we discovered the miracle that is co-sleeping. We re arranged our bedroom, put the bed up against the wall, and all slept soundly, snuggled up together. It was awesome. A few months later we decided to move our bedroom into what was previously Ezra's nursery, because we never used it. The room was smaller, but totally refinished, darker at night, and much quieter.
If you would've told me when I first found out that I was pregnant that I would nurse my chid past a year - I would've called you crazy. But here I am. Ezra just turned 14 months and is still going strong. Nursing is such a small part of our day but a huge part of our lives. He still sleeps in our bed and nurses at night, too.
Anyways, after those first few weeks, things got a bit easier. Nursing sessions weren't constant, but still frequent. We were sleeping at night. My boobs didn't hurt anymore. Life was good. In between then and now, breastfeeding has been the most beautiful journey, and it isn't over yet. It's been so much more than I could've ever imagined. I feel like I have such a close bond with my son. He trusts me. I trust him. He doesn't just nurse because he's hungry. He nurses for comfort, because he's tired, because he doesn't feel well (although he hasn't been sick yet) and so much more. I've watched him go from fully needing and relying on me for food, comfort, snuggles, and everything else - to being this extremely independent little toddler. He plays by himself. Closes doors. Says words. Knows when he is tired. All these things. He doesn't NEED me anymore like he once did. And now, instead of crying to ask for his milk - he either lifts up his shirt and points to his belly - or points to my chest. And he says (in the sweetest voice ever) "boo-tee? boo-tee?" Honestly, it's adorable.
Sure, he can "ask" for it, but really - he's been asking for it his whole life, just now he can actually put a WORD with what he wants. Hoe amazing!
I'm not sure how long I will nurse him, truthfully. I am waiting to wean until it feels right for the both of us. He nurses probably 5x during the day and 2-3x at night currently. He still wants it. He still NEEDS it. The comments are starting to come that I need to wean him since hes over a year old. But honestly? Does my milk magically STOP having nutritional benefits now that my child is over 12 months? Please enlighten me. Also - why is toddler formula okay, but toddler nursing isn't?
Im going to nurse him until he weans, and that's that. And no - it's not 'for my benefit' - I cringe every time someone says that comment. Have you ever breastfed a baby? It doesn't FEEL GOOD. Especially when they are teething. Get your head outta your ass, honestly. I digress.
Breastfeeding has been amazing for us BOTH. A beautiful journey, full of snuggles, a few tears (maybe more than a few), a lip tie, frustrations, lots of patience, and LOTS of love.
Sweet little Ezra, I love you so.
Breastfeeding. This post will be about breastfeeding. Probably some other things too, but mostly breastfeeding.
We conceived Ezra on December 31st, 2014. He was NOT planned. But we are so thankful he is here. What a blessing. Truly. Cole and I talked about being parents and knew we wanted to....someday. But what we NEVER talked about much, was how we were going to raise this child. We hadn't researched. Hadn't talked about it. Nothing. We found out we were pregnant and BAM - suddenly most of our time was devoted to researching different parenting styles. Vaccines. Circumcision. Midwives vs OBGYNs. Breastfeeding vs formula. This was a big topic for us.
No one in my family breastfed. No one in Cole's family breastfed. I had experienced two people breastfeeding throughout my entire 23 years of life. One was a lady behind me in Subway - nursing her child while ordering a sandwich (you go, mama). And the other was one of my sister's friends. In both situations I remember feeling extremely weirded out and awkward - because- BOOBS ARE SEXUAL.
So anyways, Cole and I began talking about the possibility of breastfeeding and it went something like this: "I think I want to breastfeed, I don't know, what do you think?" "Sure, whatever." "Should we buy formula just in case?" "Yeah, just in case. A lot of moms arent able to breastfeed or their supply dries up." "yeah, I have heard that, too." So we went through the first few months of pregnancy planning to breastfeed, maybe for a few weeks or something, if it was convenient for US. While researching other things - we realized that breastfeeding, while hard, truly has a 98% success rate. Our midwife mentioned this as well. Statistically speaking - about 2% of women physically CANNOT breastfeed for different reasons. The rest of women CAN, but may have to work through obstacles. My midwife suggested I stopped answering the "will you be breastfeeding" question with "if I can" or "if it works for me" and started answering with "yes! I will be!" and changing my mindset to positivity.
I did this. I started saying that I would be breastfeeding. If you're reading this and chose to formula feed - I pass no judgement. Do your thing. But this has been me journey. And I need to share it so that I remember.
I wasn't prepared, really. I wasn't prepared for all the judgemental comments I would get when I Said I Would be breastfeeding. But I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on the beautiful journey breastfeeding has been! Sorry, my thoughts are so scrambled but here we go.
Ezra was born at 5:29am. We didn't buy formula. Not one single can. He latched as soon as he was born and WOW. Wow. I honestly can't put it into words. My body LITERALLY MADE the perfect food for my son, at the perfect temperature, and it was FREE. And it wasn't weird. It was super empowering and I've never felt so connected to another human being in my whole life.
Those first weeks were hard. Real hard. I basically nursed him around the clock for the first few weeks. I remember being SO TIRED. But I didn't want to quit. I nursed him on the couch, in the chair, sitting in the bed, really anywhere. Even out in public. Whenever he cried - the first thing I did was offer him the breast. 99% of the time- it was what he wanted. IT was so exhausting but so worth it. At this time, he was sleeping (sort of, lol) in a rock n' play next to our bed. Swaddled. It was a fricken mess. He would pee and poo, we would change him, feed him, swaddle him, and try and lay him down and that would happen ALL NIGHT. Finally at about 4 weeks or so, we discovered the miracle that is co-sleeping. We re arranged our bedroom, put the bed up against the wall, and all slept soundly, snuggled up together. It was awesome. A few months later we decided to move our bedroom into what was previously Ezra's nursery, because we never used it. The room was smaller, but totally refinished, darker at night, and much quieter.
If you would've told me when I first found out that I was pregnant that I would nurse my chid past a year - I would've called you crazy. But here I am. Ezra just turned 14 months and is still going strong. Nursing is such a small part of our day but a huge part of our lives. He still sleeps in our bed and nurses at night, too.
Anyways, after those first few weeks, things got a bit easier. Nursing sessions weren't constant, but still frequent. We were sleeping at night. My boobs didn't hurt anymore. Life was good. In between then and now, breastfeeding has been the most beautiful journey, and it isn't over yet. It's been so much more than I could've ever imagined. I feel like I have such a close bond with my son. He trusts me. I trust him. He doesn't just nurse because he's hungry. He nurses for comfort, because he's tired, because he doesn't feel well (although he hasn't been sick yet) and so much more. I've watched him go from fully needing and relying on me for food, comfort, snuggles, and everything else - to being this extremely independent little toddler. He plays by himself. Closes doors. Says words. Knows when he is tired. All these things. He doesn't NEED me anymore like he once did. And now, instead of crying to ask for his milk - he either lifts up his shirt and points to his belly - or points to my chest. And he says (in the sweetest voice ever) "boo-tee? boo-tee?" Honestly, it's adorable.
Sure, he can "ask" for it, but really - he's been asking for it his whole life, just now he can actually put a WORD with what he wants. Hoe amazing!
I'm not sure how long I will nurse him, truthfully. I am waiting to wean until it feels right for the both of us. He nurses probably 5x during the day and 2-3x at night currently. He still wants it. He still NEEDS it. The comments are starting to come that I need to wean him since hes over a year old. But honestly? Does my milk magically STOP having nutritional benefits now that my child is over 12 months? Please enlighten me. Also - why is toddler formula okay, but toddler nursing isn't?
Im going to nurse him until he weans, and that's that. And no - it's not 'for my benefit' - I cringe every time someone says that comment. Have you ever breastfed a baby? It doesn't FEEL GOOD. Especially when they are teething. Get your head outta your ass, honestly. I digress.
Breastfeeding has been amazing for us BOTH. A beautiful journey, full of snuggles, a few tears (maybe more than a few), a lip tie, frustrations, lots of patience, and LOTS of love.
Sweet little Ezra, I love you so.
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