October 2nd, 2014

How many times did I have to write that on a paper today and sign my name?? A LOT.

"Amy Erickson, October 2nd, 2014."

Today was a long. long. day.

If you know me - you'll know that I generally am a positive person.

Well, today?? I was anything but positive. I spent most of the night awake from pain in my knee. What happened? No idea. My right knee has been hurting pretty consistently since mid summer. Did I do anything about it? Of course not. So here I am.

October 2nd, 2014.

I had planned to teach two classes today. Teaching fitness classes are my way of expressing myself and giving a little piece of myself to others.

It's also my stress reliever.

And it didn't happen.
I didn't teach two classes.
I didn't even teach one.
Instead - I spent my day going from Dr. appointment to xray appointment to MRI appointment. And what did I figure out? Nothing. I am still waiting on results. The xray came back fine. But the dr. suggested that I take 4 weeks off from working out.

FOUR. WEEKS.



Let that just sink in......


There has been days where I have taught 4 classes in a day....
To take a break from exercising for 4 weeks is like an eternity to me. I see my sanity just flying right out the window.

I had such a bad attitude about everything today. My knee was swollen and painful and I honestly feel like I didn't smile at all today.
To add on to this rant - we have a new puppy. He's 6 months old and has NO IDEA that pooping in the house is a bad decision. We have seriously tried everything. This little guy has no shame. None. I could walk him outside all day long and he will still just come inside and do his thing. So needless to say - it was a shitty day. (excuse my language)

But you know what I realized?? After all this complaining and sadness, depression, crankiness, self loathing....where was it getting me?? Absolutely nowhere.

Amy Erickson, October 2nd, 2014.

That didn't seem like much as I was writing it on my papers - signing my life away for xrays and MRIs.

I was just signing.

But then -

I realized......

It's October 2nd, 2014 and -

I am ALIVE - I made it through another day - and a lot of others cannot say the same.

I am HEALTHY - yeah I have a bad knee - but other then that? I feel pretty damn good.

I have a HUSBAND who loves me with all his heart. Through the good AND the bad. It's amazing  how many people take their spouses for granted. Others aren't as lucky to be blessed with a wonderful marriage.

I have DOGS - two of them. Brewer and Calvin - although they make me want to scream sometimes - they are the most loving creatures I have ever experienced in my life and they are ALWAYS happy.

I have a loving FAMILY - and I love them, too.

I have a JOB - which in this day and age - not many people can say.

I have a ROOF over my head and SHOES on my feet.

I have a VEHICLE.

I just got back from VACATION.

The list goes on and on but you probably get what I am saying right now. Sure -my knee hurts. At times - it hurts so bad I want to scream - but guess what - I still have legs. And I can still walk. And the worst possible result I could get is that I need surgery - which STILL isn't that bad.

It's amazing how easily I can get caught up in my own selfishness and just drift off to "poor me" land.
You guys - I am fine. My knee is probably fine - and if it's not - I'm still going to be okay - and life will still go on.

 I am not sure what stresses, pains (physical, mental, emotional), or hardships you are going through in your life right now - but let me just tell you from the bottom of my heart - you're going to be FINE! We will all make it through, and we will be better because of it.

It took a lot for me to write this post - even more to share it - I tend to hide things that stress me out. I cover them up and take them on all by myself. But I am showing myself that it's okay to be flawed, it's okay to have pain, and most of all - it's okay to share my life openly and honestly with others.

So my challenge to myself and to anyone still reading is this:

When you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative - STOP!!!
Replace it with something positive immediately. We all have bad things in our lives, but the good FAR outweighs the bad - and we should always be thankful for that. :)